I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's always time for handjobs
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
