I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My first STD was from a foam party
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize