I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
