i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
