I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
