i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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