Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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