well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
