just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
organizing the empties. That sober.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
