I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
