please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
