How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize