I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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