Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
