Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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