She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
