I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
