Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
