How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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