never play flip cup with pint glasses
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
