my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
