my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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