____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
