I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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