I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
