I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
