6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
