I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
