If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
