Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
