we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
