Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
