unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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