3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
