thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
