my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm really busy with my period
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