Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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