he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
