I like my sex mixed with concussions.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He did a backflip because drugs
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
