Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
