Fuck appropriateness.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
