Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
