Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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