ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
