Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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