I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
