Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize