dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
