and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
