good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize