She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
