Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
