I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
