i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
