I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize