I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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