it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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