I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
