Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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