you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize