i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
