So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
