i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
