I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
