i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize