She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
