yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
