I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
