You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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