the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
