Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
