watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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