Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
