My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
