My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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