Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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