At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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