You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
