Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
