This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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