I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
