Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
