drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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