Can i not drive my cunt home
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
